.tied up.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

silence.

silence.
tranquility.
lost in thoughts.
stonning is bad for me.
i really should stop stonning.
i really should stop stonning and drinking tea.
don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight.
drank a whole pot of tea.
peppermint tea.
concentrated.
what a silly thing to do.
eve.
with your permission.
i can finally talk abt it openly.
eve.
i'm still in shock.
but i'll remember that pinky finger promise.
you will be happier alright?
don't bluff me.
okay?
i'll be happy.
when u are happy.
right now.
i'll just take my time to get over it.
grey.
i realised my love for black & white.
black & white photos, pictures...
yeah. sepia nice too.
teacher once told me tt whatever colour u choose,
it reflects your mood.
hmm.
but since young, i've always chose dark colours.
like tt art lesson.
i used dark blue, dark purple and...
shoots i don't remember the last colour.
but whatever it is.
i was happy then.
funny.
i think dull colours actually reflect a kind of transparency?
a kind of peace?
simplicity?
truth?
but then again.
dull colours form a kind of shadow.
hmm. oh well.
been doing a lot of thinking lately.
haven't been able to reflect abt life in ages.
a friend told me to stop stonning.
i realised everytime i stone.
i think.
i reflect.
i question.
then i realise.
i can't find answers to my questions.
how dumb can tt get?
hmmm.
but i like stonning.
i remember i used to stone before i go to bed.
and then i'll start tearing.
only one eye.
clears my eye though.
then slumber.
i remember vividly the time i started stonning.
rain.
sitting on my table.
holding a glass of cold water.
staring out at the rain.
but i like stonning.
i like the silence.
the peace.
hmmm.
but whenever i stone.
i feel helpless.
but anyhow.
i guess this shows a pretty human side of me.
i'm not all joy and laughter.
:)
but i do love laughing.
i do love smiling.
i do love hugs and letters.
i do love flowers.
and the little things tt excite me.
a friend told me to be myself.
he didn't wanna explain much.
he said to be urself in jc.
he said to find our for yourself what it meant.
and i guess i understand now.
it's really easy to loose yourself when everything passes by u so fast.
it's really easy to fall into someone else's shadow.
it's really easy to totally forget who u really are.
scary huh.
but i believe it's true.
so many people i know have changed so much in jc.
environment causes people to morph?
maybe.
but whatever it is.
it's good to take time off.
relax. stone.
drink a nice cold glass of water.
tear a little.
think.
enjoy the peace and silence.
utter a short little prayer.
stock-check.
thank God.
this is quite long isn't it?
a friend told me the more he thought abt stuff the more he felt depressed.
i guess it's the sense of helplessness.
i feel it to.
tt's probably why we need a God.
and i'm happy that i have a God.
someone who'll be there.
when ever. where ever.
cheers.
hee.

do you want my God?

silence is good.

i realised the tea has stained my teeth quite badly.
uh.
gross.
and my tongue too.
but i still love tea.
do u know tt tea induces u to pee more?
it's pretty amazing i only pee-ed once so far.
(since i drank tt pot of tea)
hmmm.

oh and i realised.
running alone.
at night.
is really boring.
and quite scary too.
next time i'll run.
at night
but not alone.
i like running at night.
cool breeze.
silent. again.
except the occasional honking and roaring of the engine.
oh.
and running beside a long gang isn't nice.
it smells bad.
ran to yck mrt and back.
thought abt stuff again.
quite lonely.
ran about 6-7km.
anyway i'm drifting off.
so back to the topic.
silence is good.
stonning is good too.
but one must know when to stop.
and not wallow for too long.
cause life's too busy & noisy for long periods of silence.
:)
silence.

[ Jude whispered ][ 12:22 AM ]

- - - - -